I Am Still Wide Awake Beyond Past Midnight

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The caffeine in my system once again is making me stimulated with my nerves. I guess it is time to mellow down and really cut back on my Caffeine consumption at my dialysis session because it is just not entirely being getting washed-off. The two head nurses are now in command beyond my wishes and had slowed down the blood pump considerably so much so that I can't even feel hungry even after dialysis. Now if I would cutback on my caffeine maybe only then I will be able to sleep a few hours after my session. This morning I was really sleepy and after I took the pills I am wide-awake again. Now I am just sleep deprived for already one day and it is indeed no healthy. Well you could not blame me because of like for example what happened today where my blood pressure dropped despite that I have about 700 mg of Caffeine in my system so I am guessing that without the influence of caffeine then I will not be able to survive my treatment session for sure. But nonetheless I will try to get some rest but I am not really hopeful that I can sleep if I am not sleepy at all, I will just tire myself tossing and turning and wasting my seemingly long but short, short time here on earth. Tomorrow my eldest brother and his family will drop-by here in the house because my sister-in-law has been promoted as a school principal and wanted to share and celebrate her success as a hard-working teacher. They will bring along my Niece and Nephew which are now both teenagers, they just gre so big so fast without me in the sidelines of their lives even because of my health situation. Well at least I am happy that despite my siblings have a small family they are just happy and successful. I just wish them more abundance and happiness in their lives. But for myself I just wanted to graduate already it has been so long that I am suffering in this world and I cannot I guess make it to what I wanted to happen, it is taking too much time and I am in a lot of worries, fear, pain, frustrations, and sadness. I just wanted to be in heaven soon even only as a gate-keeper but at least I am in heaven where there are no more of the said things that troubles me in most of my stay here on earth.
Originally posted here: https://hive.blog/hive-148441/@cryptopie/i-am-still-wide-awake-beyond-past-midnight