My Entry to Contest - "What does TODAY Mean to ME? - #41

https://ipfs.busy.org/ipfs/QmQGPAAgtB6BG8YsmNzDoKVUueMnvYzxyGK2qLVpvsNZMF
This is my entry for the weekly “[What does today mean to you](https://steemit.com/ccc/@freedomshift/weekly-contest-what-does-today-mean-to-you-win-steem-basic-income-sbi-or-incinboost-shares-and-more-41)” contest for by @freedomshift for ccc, and I really wish it wasn’t.

Today started out yesterday and really has been going on for about a week. My son in California has been in a bad situation, and I in Malaysia have been on Discord with him almost constantly trying to help. If I’m not with him on Discord, I’m trying to work and have barely slept since I do not know when. Today is the day that someone is coming to get him and take him back to San Diego where he wants, plans, and hopes to get a new start and do better. Of course, this is all I want too, and have been helping him do things long distance from Malaysia as he goes through ideas, decisions, and plans. He should be on the road now, and I hope so. So out of the blue in the midst of all this today he tells me, “Mom, I need to tell you something you will not like to hear.” So whatever – just tell me. Never, never, never did I expect this answer. He says he got a tattoo a year and half ago and it’s a tiger on his shoulder.

I cannot look at people when they have tattoos. They make me sick to see them and I only see scars when I do catch them in my sight. I blur my eyes, look away, and often just walk away and do not look back. I can't actually think of anything I dislike more than tattoos. I have at least 10K words written about all the reasons not to get them, especially regarding health. But the visual of it is the worst turn off I know of, even when people do not get sick from them. If I have no choice but to deal with a person with tattoos, I grit my teeth. I might even like you and continually have to try to ignore your tattoos. Some of the hardest times I have had in my life is when someone I work with has had them. One girl I worked with had unsightly tattoos on her fingers. She did not have to see me often and started wearing bandaids when she did come to my office. Otherwise I would be holding up papers to shield my eyes from her hands. These were blue snakes on each middle finger with their red tongues sticking out that looked like gaping wounds to me. She thought my reaction was funny, and then agreed they did kind of look as I was describing. She did not care and we got along well after she started the bandaid trick.

But she was not my son. I’m grossed out and can’t look at people's tattoos, but I really don’t care. I wonder what kind of person would do that to themselves, but I’m not invested in the answer. But now I know. A person like my son would do this to themselves. My son grew up knowing how I felt, is afraid of needles, and continually affirmed he would never get a tattoo. But apparently he spent 12 hours getting one and knowing this would irrevocably curse our relationship. So now my son has a tattoo. A tattoo of a tiger for some irrational reason. This I cannot wrap mind around at all. A reminder of going to the zoo? An ode to Frosted Flakes? A circus reference? 12 hours it took, so it must be worse and larger than I can even imagine.

I will never see my son again. He was sure we would never see each other again when I left, but I was undecided. Now I know we never will. I’ve had this imaginary dream of seeing him in an airport somewhere and hugging him and now this will never happen. If I did see him, I could not hug him, and definitely don’t touch me with that arm. Or that body that has a tattoo on it. That would hurt his feelings so it's better that we stay apart. I know you think I will get over this, and I am overreacting, and it doesn’t matter, and it’s not my body, and who cares, and there is something wrong with me. Yeah, there is something wrong with me. My son got a tattoo. All I can tell you is that I will never be able to think of my son again without thinking he is the guy with a tattoo. Of a tiger. On his shoulder. A big, ugly, irreversible tiger of stupidity. I had no opinion about tigers until today, and now I hate them. Tigers are my worst animal.

Does it have the whole animal standing up or lying down? Is it only a decapitated head? If so, does it have a neck? Do you have to see its tongue? Is there blood dripping off the teeth? Is it smiling? Roaring? Is the mouth closed? Do you have to see veins and inside its ears? Is it in tacky looking multi-colored, or jailhouse-looking blue/black? How much does it look like an open wound? Please Dear God let me never see it in person or in a photo or ever know these answers. It’s on his worst shoulder now on the other side of the world, and I have no reason to even know this disgusting tragedy occurred. He tried to show it to me on Discord and that did not go well. It was all I could do not to hang up. Today, May 23 2019, is the day I found out my son got a tattoo and I will never be able to go back from this moment in time. A tiger/zoo/cereal/circus guy. With a 12 hour tattoo. A lifetime would have been a good time not to tell me this. There is not one reason I would ever have to see his naked shoulder for the rest of our lives, and I could have peacefully gone on in ignorance. He said he did not want to keep a secret from me. I think this one could have gone to his grave easily. Only then will this thing be gone and now I have to think about that. I told him to never show it to anyone, to always wear long sleeves, to get make up to cover it, and to look into having it removed. A lifetime would have been a good time to not get it in the first place. A lifetime will never repair the damage done. Two lifetimes. Another day will not go by without me thinking of this as my first thought, and last thought, and all throughout the day. Every day, I will wonder if he got another one to even out the lack of symmetry that is disrupting his life force. This thought in particular will possibly soon make me insane. Today sucks. My photos are the ugliest I could come up with in my files on short notice with no sleep and feeling horrible. NOTE: My son never reads my blogs because he hates my writing. So I have no fear of him seeing this post. The best I can hope for is that he never brings it up again, since I sure never will. But it might be the topic of the next 1000 or so "What does today mean to you" posts so I can get through the stages of grief maybe. This is an Invitation to join #ccc for [Guaranteed 👍 Daily Income 💵 and Payout 💸 for Newbies (2.0) 🐟 🐜 🐛 in #ccc 👣 and Follow 👣 the Honor Code 🏅 - the Creed (Conditions and Limits Inside)](https://steemit.com/ccc/@freedomshift/guaranteed-daily-income-and-payout-for-newbies-2-0-in-ccc-and-follow-the-honor-code-the-creed-conditions-and-limits-inside)
AND
the [latest update](https://steemit.com/ccc/@freedomshift/an-update-v2-1-to-guaranteed-daily-income-and-payout-for-newbies-2-0-in-ccc-and-follow-the-honor-code-the-creed-conditions-and) <<< _please click to read._ = = ### Minnow Tips! #### My Newest Minnow Tips Updates: [General Ideas of how to do better on STEEM](https://steemit.com/busy/@fitinfun/make-money-on-steem-part-1) [Places to comment for Upvotes and More Goodies](https://steemit.com/busy/@fitinfun/your-comments-make-money-on-steem-if-you-make-them) [Who will upvote my posts when I am new on STEEM?](https://steemit.com/esteem/@fitinfun/who-will-upvote-my-posts-when-i-am-new-on-steem) [How Can I Solve My Low RC Problem on STEEM?](https://steemit.com/busy/@fitinfun/how-can-i-solve-my-low-rc-problem-on-steem) [Using @dustsweeper on STEEM](https://steemit.com/esteem/@fitinfun/minnow-tip-using-dustsweeper-on-steem) [Enter contests on STEEM and win!](https://steemit.com/esteem/@fitinfun/enter-contests-on-steem-and-win) [Do your replies fast with with SteemReply](https://steemit.com/busy/@fitinfun/freewrite-day-573-inbox-clean-up-with-steemreply-minnow-tip) [You should be freewriting if you are a blogger](https://steemit.com/esteem/@fitinfun/how-and-why-i-help-freewritehouse-grow-on-steem) Here is my last big minnow tips post before the update if you struggle here at steem. These tips can help you even if you are not new. [Monday Minnow Tips for Everyone from @fitinfun](https://steemit.com/busy/@fitinfun/monday-minnow-tips-for-everyone-from-fitinfun) ## Contents of the Above Post #### What should I do EACH DAY on STEEM with low power? #### What to do with your STEEM #### Are you shooting blanks with your votes? #### Should you use an autovoter? #### Join qurator #### Do not post to nowhere #### Why bother to comment? #### How and Why to use kryptonia #### How to get Upvotes #### For Twitter Users #### How and Why to lease delegated sp #### Curation Trails #### Using Discord = = ## dApp Reviews All recommended! [ginabot](https://steemit.com/busy/@fitinfun/blindtest-ginabot-21-days) [esteem](https://steemit.com/esteem/@fitinfun/my-entry-for-blindtest-esteem-7-days) [Share2Steem with Twitter Tips](https://steemit.com/esteem/@fitinfun/my-share2steem-dapp-review-with-twitter-tips) [Tasteem Restaurant Reviews dApp before I used it](https://steemit.com/esteem/@fitinfunfood/my-review-of-the-tasteem-dapp-before-using-it) [Tasteem Restaurant Reviews dApp with tips to do better](https://steemit.com/esteem/@fitinfunfood/freewrite-day-529-gold) And here is an update on @fitinfunfood. I just started this blog in Jan 2019, so you can find out what I am doing to grow my new baby here: [fitinfunfood Update Post](https://steemit.com/untalented/@fitinfun/ulog-41-not-talking-enough-about-food) #### More about using SBI: https://steemit.com/esteem/@fitinfun/my-steembasicincome-update-spoiler-i-love-sbi #### Great post from @brittandjosie, with all kinds of help for new people. Definitely worth clicking every link! [Hey Have You Met!](https://steemit.com/curation/@brittandjosie/4-o-clocky-hey-have-ya-met-hhym#@brittandjosie/re-brittandjosie-4-o-clocky-hey-have-ya-met-hhym-20190325t121049858z) ## Please Help Me Keep Helping at STEEM #### Please follow my blogs: @fitinfun @fitinfunfood @bxlphabet is my son's blog, and I am so grateful [he has returned](https://steemit.com/dtube/@bxlphabet/c4dmth9q). We all post on Busy most days, where their upvote for us is based on the collective SP of our followers. We all follow back, because we love you. This is the power of STEEM. #### Put my blogs on your curation trail @fitinfun @fitinfunfood @bxlphabet I login to magic-dice daily and roll one time. Is this giving me luck and good fortune? Join me and try for yourself! https://magic-dice.com/?ref=fitinfunfood = =

How is your journey to better health going? Is your fitness equipment out handy? Are you on a "diet?" Soon we will be in Bathing Suit Season. Are you ready? I lost "Half My Size" eight years ago by using **natural methods**. No tricks, just doing a bit better every day. I started on October 10 one year, and did not give up. Four years later, on October 5th, there I was - thin and healthy for the first time in my life. You can do it too! This is Sharon @fitinfun. I am posting: - Healthy Food Ideas on @fitinfunfood - Motivation Minnow Tips and Everything Else on @fitinfun - @bxlphabet is posting Southern California, dpolls and song lyrics. Please follow along or contact me directly if you would like some individual help with weight loss and health. Anyone can do this if I did.
Originally posted here: https://steemit.com/busy/@fitinfunfood/my-entry-to-contest-what-does-today-mean-to-me-41