The Smallest Giant | being comfortable in our own skin

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I have lived a long time trying to figure out how I fit, or how I function in our world. I am writing this from the perspective of the smallest giant. After watching a documentary last night about Andre The Giant and seeing all of those really huge people, It really hit me that I am not really a giant....but I'm not average either. So what do I do?! I have always been a big person. Even starting school I was a head taller than the rest of the class. Not only was I taller, but I was bigger. I was always thicker, and I guess you could be polite and call it husky. This was how it was for many years until I finally started to have some real growth spurts. I can remember being in the fifth and sixth grade when they first started teaching us about our bodies. We went and got measured in the cafeteria and I remember being surprised by what the scale said. Not that it bothered me at all, but compared to everyone else it was a big difference. In sixth grade there were some big changes as I begin to grow pretty regular. I can remember it perfectly clear, and by the end of my sixth grade year I was 5'11" and I was taller than the male teacher. After that, there was no more comparing to others my age. I had to compare myself with grown men. That was the only way to find the right clothes and be comfortable. Do you know how hard it is to be 12 and 13 and trying to find stylish teenage clothes when grown men didn't dress that way. The years went on like this and I continued to outpace most everyone I know in many physical ways. I began to get comfortable and really come into my own when I went into my junior year of high school. This is when I found the sport of power lifting!! I learned the life long love of pushing harder and achieving my goals. I finally found a place that I could excel, and that is when I started to stand out a bit more. Sure there were other guys that could lift way more than I could, but is that what gets people excited? Nope. They wanted to see the 6'4" 260 lb guy with crazy piercings and even crazier hair colors put on a show. I could remember the first time I dead lifted 405 lbs. It was in a side room of the athletic building. The music was loud and the energy was pumping. That is when everyone started to crowd into that room and even watch from the other. It also might have had something to do with me putting on a show, but that is who I am.

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All of those times and memories have faded over the years, but me being me has not. I think I finally stopped growing just after Stacie D (@freedomtowrite) and I got married. I took my final push up to 6'5 1/4" and 265 lbs. I might weigh just a bit more today, but I feel stronger and more connected to my body than I ever have. It is thanks to putting the weights down and picking up the amazing practice of yoga. Everyday I feel like I have a foot in two different worlds. One is the average world, and one is the larger than average world. Some days my clothes fit just right and I can actually stand up straight, or able to bend down low. Other days all of my shirts fit like I am wearing kids clothes and you can see the bottom of my stomach and belt buckle. Those are days that I spend the day fidgety and uncomfortable. Some days I can drive our family car, a suburban, and I feel like it fits perfect and it was made just for me. Other days I might be riding in someone else's car with the passenger seat leaned so far back I am in between the legs of the person behind me. Some days everything feels like it is perfect for me. I don't even notice that things aren't actually as big as I might enjoy, and everything just goes well. On the other side of that, there are days when I notice every little detail. Like how my hand looks while holding Stacie D's hand, or when I am holding a fork to eat dinner.

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I have talks with Stacie D sometimes to try to gain perspective. I have had moments that I have had to come to terms with. Like, yes, my heart IS big enough for my body and I am healthy. Or, Yes, it is ok that I am sore because yesterday I lifted trees all day. Conversations like this happen sometimes because I am always looking for where I fit it. I am hyper aware of myself and my body, and that makes it even more difficult. I have the genes to be much bigger, but I have the sense to not put my body through that strain. When I see people that I think may be my size I always watch how they move. Do they limp. Are they athletic. Do they look comfortable. I did this a lot while practicing Brazilian Jiu Jitsu, and I joked about being part of the Giant Division. I would always be paired up with other larger people, but it was always odd. I felt like I was smaller and the Black Belt said I moved like I was smaller, but I couldn't practice with the smaller people. So there I was practicing with giants that moved like they were stiff and rigid. This even resulted in someone falling wrong and causing me to separate my shoulder.

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Now days I have been defining more of what I want. I want to be fit and functional. I want to run and jump, and move without being sore. That doesn't seem to be too much to ask haha. I have a goal for visible abs and a certain physique, but that isn't as easy as you imagine. Measuring around my ribs is just shy of four feet. That means that no matter how lean I get, my bones are still there. So how the heck do I find that physique I was looking for if my body wants to be gigantic. Everyday is one more day on my journey. My full journey of owning my experience in this world. As I work toward my goal of what I call The Alpha Yeti, I learn something new everyday. The Alpha Yeti is the most optimal version of myself....a hard body, soft heart, and a sharp mind. When I think about how I look, or how I fit in this world I remember that I may not be "average", but I am surely not the biggest. There are men and women that are much bigger than I am, and they do bigger things than I do. So on those days that I find myself whining and moaning about how nothing fits, I remember that there are people that are dealing with this same thing and even more. On the other days when I feel like I am "average" I have to remember that I am larger and that I might not be able to do something that smaller people do. I am just me. I am my own average. There are billions of people in this world and we are all different. Have you ever thought that you didn't fit some how? I want you to know that we are all working through it. We are all aware of our own situation. The trick is to be conscious and live consciously. That is the only way that we are going to be the best versions of us that we choose to be. Be well ~The Yeti https://twitter.com/the_alpha_yeti https://www.instagram.com/thealphayeti/ https://s9.postimg.cc/yj5h2z7n3/U5dri_SMNQEPMJzsdf_Vw_SSLXpt_Pn_RZm_Y.gif
Originally posted here: https://steemit.com/inspiration/@freedompoint/the-smallest-giant-or-being-comfortable-in-our-own-skin